El Burro Volador

I began the second and final day of my quest by bundling up the giant light-bulb, which I had taken to calling Lou (don’t ask), in its traveling-box and heading out to follow the directions supplied me by the surly lighting jerk.  As I drove all around the west part of Fort Collins, it soon became apparent that these directions were not going to be sufficient, so I tried the low-tech solution of stopping and asking the local populace for directions to Commerce drive.

This, as it turns out, was not a great idea.  First of all, many of the semi-literate hillfolk who dwell in west Fort Collins distrust anyone who they see exit a form of conveyance not pulled by some sort of animal.  Some of them chased me off their property with farm implements, others insisted on escorting me back to my car at the point of a double-barreled scatter-gun despite my assurance that I was not affiliated with the guvmint and that what went on between them and the livestock was their own business.  I did manage to win the confidence of a handful of local residents, however, who were unanimous in assuring me that twern’t no Commerce drive round these parts.  Eventually I gave it up and retreated to the nearby bastion of learning operated by my lovely spouse, where I proceeded to consult the oracle.

I at once realized that Wesco was not even in the remote vicinity.  It was, in fact, back on the east side of town.  At first I was furious at the vile treachery practiced upon me, but I was soon to change my mind once I discovered what giving me real directions to Wesco would have entailed.  Here’s the simplest way to get to Wesco, using my experience as a guide:

From I-25, head west on Mulberry.  Turn right on South Link Lane (it’s kind of a tricky intersection, so watch out) and head north about 500ft.  On your right you will see an establishment known as “A Hunt Club” (curses, Home Despot guy was right!).  Pull in and park your car, you will have to proceed on foot from here (make sure to approach the bouncer standing guard at the door of this den of iniquity and pay him the cover charge, or he will have your car towed when you don’t go inside).

Head down the narrow alleyway beside the club until you reach the dumpster at what appears to be the alley’s dead end.  Roll the dumpster aside (this is easier if you come early in the week when it is still pretty empty, and easier still in the afternoon once any transients sleeping there have cleared out for the day) and lift the manhole cover underneath.  Descend into the sewer below and head northeast about a quarter of a mile.

Be careful not to miss the next manhole cover, as it is the last one for quite some time.  Exit the sewer into an old switching yard – you may have to fight hobos if you did not bring any comestibles with which to distract them.  Hike up a pile of scree until you reach the moat surrounding the Wesco parking lot.  It is filled with piranhas, so you will have to leap over it if you did not bring a hobo with which to distract them…

The quest simply will not release my blog.  I’d like to wrap it up tomorrow, but I promise nothing.