Mood Swings
November 26, 2008
Lately my temperament has undergone a change from what I would generally describe as stolid to what can only be called mercurial. My emotional state changes with little or no provocation, my ability to focus phases in and out without warning, and I never know who the hell I’m going to be when I wake up each morning, which I find profoundly disturbing.
Most of yesterday was spent in a fugue state, and when I decided to attend the weekly meeting of my gaming group, it was partially from a sense of obligation and partly from a fear that, if I didn’t go this time, I might stop going, and then I would stop having friends, which would leave me more completely at the mercy of my burgeoning brain fever. I know that sounds crazy. The fact that I’m in a mental state where this kind of stuff seems not only real but urgent is pretty much the problem.
Anyhow, I went, and it turned out to be a great thing. Despite his pathological dishonesty, Jon has been just superbly creative lately, and being around him and Ezekiel and Dylan awakens my own desire to create and narrate. Since these urges are just about the healthiest imperatives I have left at the moment, it turns out that last night was great therapy. I got onto an upswing and was able to ride it all through today, though I feel it fading a little now.
Thanks, gang, for letting me use this space in a more confessional manner during the last couple of days. I’ll try cracking wise again real soon, I promise.
